unconditional and unreciprocated love gives you immense power. It enriches your personality and gives you strength. It makes you purer and takes your love to another level. It makes you a better person and teaches you to truly love someone even if you are not loved back. So be proud that your love is true and you don’t need any reciprocation to prove the sanctity of your feelings. Feel happy that you can cherish and treasure these beautiful feelings. – Chitkala Mulye (Chitkala Aditosh)….https://chitkaladitosh.com/
Trying to write this blog was difficult and the first 5 times I typed something I deleted it and had to start over. Mainly because of the number of ways in which I can express how complete I feel because of the experience I am going to talk about. I want to try and share what loving unconditionally means to me and why right now in my life I feel a sense of, gratitude, alignment and understanding for having been able to feel deeply connected, strong yet vulnerable in loving unconditionally. What I talk about in this blog, is not applicable to situations where you are being and feeling abused, if this is the case, then you need to get out of your abusive situation straight away and seek support.
July last year I made acquaintance with an amazing human being; who happens to be a man and a person who I hold to be very intelligent, funny, gentle, patient, charming and charismatic. Lets call him Beau shall we? To my annoyance, the first time I met Beau I felt a deep soulful connection with him instantly. Yes, I did feel as though I had known him from a previous life and all of this life in fact and this was totally unexpected for me. On my way to meet him I had convinced myself not to allow this stranger to make an impression on me.
However it didn’t happen this way and several months later the connection I feel to Beau grows stronger with each passing day. There have been troublesome times, because he realised that he couldn’t feel the same and still does not feel the same way as I do. This was frustrating initially, because of the abundance of love that I wanted to share, yet I felt mostly like a cow trying to love an ant.
It was hard to watch as he pulled away, in actuality hard is a major understatement. I felt sick to my stomach when he said he didn’t feel the same way as me, that he was incapable of feeling anything. A challenging moment for me was to find that he was happy with someone else who wasn’t me. Yet despite these changes, I still love him and send him positive thoughts and wishes every single day. I have come a long way to learn the lesson, with this experience that loving unconditionally sometimes means loving the one who does not love you back. This also made me sit up and reflect on some issues inside of me concerning my inability to unconditionally love all that is, and this is now something I try to practice and work on each day.
When I attempted to sever the connection I felt toward him it was as though every action was mirrored back to me. I didn’t want to feel pain anymore and so that’s why I tried to stop loving him and to do this I attempted to project pain, hate, annoyance, anger and negativity toward him. However, any feeling I projected, boomeranged back to me and left me in a cycle of lack of self esteem, happiness and joy. I realised that I had to shift through the negative emotions and thoughts to get to a space of embracing pure unconditional love.
I invested in my truth to allow the experience to bring me even closer to my highest good. Wanting to be authentic to myself, and unafraid to be vulnerable, I didn’t want him as the bad guy because I appreciated his patience and gentleness. I also didn’t want to make myself into a victim because that was certainly not stepping into my truth. After much shouting, cursing, swearing and drinking, I arrived at a place of wrestling with my demons, contemplation, then meditation and silence. I realised that the truth was we shared a wonderful moment that has allowed for me to mature exponentially.
I read somewhere that to keep loving someone is an art form because you need to suspend the goodness of the first moments when you loved them in your mind. I also heard that loving someone means being aware of how quickly they can ruin you. I think all these things maybe true of a worldly love, however if you want to get to the soul, when you enter you must leave all these concepts behind. Getting to the deepest soul connection is embracing unconditionally within the present moment, and knowing that holding onto the past is an illusion. When you are walking in your truth, the soul is not destructive, if there is any destruction then it is not coming from the soul, because the soul is an ever present energy that cannot be destroyed.
“love can never possess. Love is giving freedom to the other. Love is an unconditional gift, it is not a bargain” Osho
- There is a lot of information advising on a plethora of mind games dressed up as psychology, which promotes the playing of tricks on both yourself and the ones that you love. Well mind games give me migraine, and I feel if you cant show up in your complete truth then it’s not authentic and not worth it. I decided that however I showed up, I wanted to feel healthy, wholesome and light. I figure we are all guided by something much greater than we can see and so I gave myself permission to love him unconditionally and completely without judgement, and respecting his space and his choices.
- I realised that for some reason I felt I had to carry a guilt for loving and caring about Beau even when he had “rejected” me. I felt that I should feel betrayed, used and abused; but deep down I knew none of this was the case. However I was fighting with my own ingrained perceptions and I was projecting this on my new experience. When I stepped into the truth I realised how confused, hurt, vulnerable and scared he must be; I feel I stepped into his humanity. Further still I realised that the depth of connection that had been created already couldn’t simply be withdrawn or wiped away.
- By changing my perspective I supported myself to see how hurt, vulnerable and scared I was, and I stepped into my humanity too, and created room to cultivate self love and kindness.
Embrace Mindfulness, Meaningfulness and Depth
And there are many things that don’t really end, anyway, they just begin again in a new way. Ends are not bad and many ends aren’t really an ending; some things are never-ending.” ― C. JoyBell C.
- I am a strong and tenacious person, but I have come to the realisation that I have a gentle fragility that I have masked for a long time. I have masked this well by preventing relationships that have depth and meaning. When I have noticed any difficulty in maintaining relationships according to how I feel it should work I quickly bow out. There have been times when I would have gladly bowed out of the intensity of life, which at times has felt so overbearing and difficult for me to understand.
- In embracing the feeling of unconditional love, I also embrace meaningful relationships and an understanding that the end is not really the end. Instead of focusing on an ending, I remind myself to return to what service I can give in the present moment. The effects of this shift in perspective is that I feel a more nurturing person in every capacity within my life. With depth and meaning I am more helpful, and fulfilled in my words, thoughts and actions. Depth and meaning now intricately woven into my life has become present in all my senses and I am free to be more expressive to step into my truth.
Love and Nurture
Just before the new year I had a dream that I was resting on a bed having just given birth. Beau was there and he was holding the healthy baby girl cradled in his arms, smiling and gently talking to the baby as I was gazing and smiling up at Beau and the baby. The dream felt peaceful, serene, relaxed and pleasant. I still don’t know exactly what this dream represents, however it was so beautiful and I interpreted the baby girl to represent the connection between Beau and I. I felt it was a reminder of the need for me to nurture and respect myself in order to nurture and respect the connection.
- I tell myself how awesome and loved I am everyday, because the greatest love does truly start within. When I was coming from a place of insecurity and fear, I felt that maybe everyone else had their life together and that meant that their perception of me was right. However, I now affirm that I have my life together in the way that best suits me and can confidently embrace that.
- Realising this has allowed me to express greater compassion and understanding for what can seem like confusion. I have learnt to appreciate the chaotic order of life and the events and experiences that I cannot make sense of. The fun part of this is that I can also show greater compassion and understanding towards myself and respect for the choices that I choose to make.
Play and be a Co-Creator
- Creative is undefined for me, and I have fun in expressing myself in a variety of ways, through laughter meditation, yoga, writing, drawing, singing or making something. Being creative is the antithesis of self-destruction.
- Creating something brings to my mind the birth of something new and a chance to nurture. This can be as delicate as wrapping a few ribbons around a jar, sprinkling it with glitter and calling it my flower vase or making a collage using my favourite Islamic art cutouts.
- Creating has been helpful in my process of cultivating unconditional love, and acceptance because sometimes I create something and it does not have the intended effect, but I still embrace what’s different about it. It has become self expressed and has taken on a beautiful body of its own, just like me.
I think that if love is real, it shouldn’t matter whether it is reciprocated or not. Love is an understanding and an appreciation. I feel I have found someone who adds value to my life and who I feel connected to, even when not physically present his energy is very much in each moment. Things happened in a particular order so that I could become a better person, and learn the life lessons that I am learning each day. I have grown and learnt so many things about what I have needed to address within myself and have come face to face with my fears, meaningfulness and mindfulness so that I am able to apply greater depth to my life. I have through this experience embraced my gifts and talents without judgement so that I can learn to build on my creativity and love that in whatever form it takes. I use to wonder why is it that this person has come into my life? Now I see how much confidence I have gained and how much stronger I feel. For this I hold gratitude and realisation that unconditional love isn’t limited and can include a partner, friend, family, child, it encompasses and can be extended to all things and time.
The views expressed in this blog are entirely my own and should not be substituted for counselling support or emotional help, if you require support you should seek help immediately from a health professional.
If you are the victim of abuse you can contact the following:
Victim Support for free on 08 08 16 89 111